


Don We Now Our Strange Apparel

by nolandsman



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Battle bikinis are absurd but also an absurdly fun excuse to draw incredibly well-toned abs, Chainmail bikinis, Comic, Gen, High heels do not work on sand, Link's shiny rubberclad bum, Lots of shiny bums and shiny abs, Seriously I've tried, bad drawing, low-brow humor to be honest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2018-12-20 04:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11913528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nolandsman/pseuds/nolandsman
Summary: "Join the Gerudo army," they said. "It'll be fun," they said. "It pays well and there are benefits," they said.But they failed to mention the absurdity of the uniforms.





	1. Barta Joins the Army

I mean, it's not as if anyone should tell you what clothes to wear when you're off to fight crazy ex-Sheikah, Moldugas and a whole host of life-threatening monsters.

 

But really.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nolandsman! If you want to make fun of battle bikinis at least draw them right! What's all this shit about being far from your precious BotW and having to rely on memory alone?
> 
> Nothing. I have no excuse. I am bad and I feel bad but here we are. 
> 
> Also may one day I'll learn to draw. And also learn to write? What are those markings? Letters? Why didn't I type them? I don't know! What is language and also art and also Zelda. Like, what is this.


	2. Barta's First Mission




	3. Barta Discovers the Yiga Clan's Dirtiest Secret

* * *

 

Phew! Any of ya'll playing the new DLC for BotW? Always happy to reintroduce myself to the Yiga sneak-fest, but (SPOILERS) Urbosa's ballad really ruined Zelda/Urbosa for me. For some reason it strikes me as A LITTLE WEIRD to ship a girl with her surrogate aunt/dead mum's ex-lover. Imagine bringing Urbosa and all that emotional baggage to Thanksgiving dinner with Rhoam. What a time. 


	4. Barta is (almost) Rescued




	5. Barta Discovers Something Crucial




	6. Barta in the Desert

* * *

Okay, I just kind of love the idea of Link being a chill, low-key queer sexpot because if there is a poster-boy for asexuality, it's our little man here. Handsome fish falling all over you? Nah. Handsome fish's little sister? Nah. Handsome fish's rich, sexy fish ancestor with a killer engagement present? Nah. Girl-next-door redhead ranch-hand cutie? Nah. Beautiful, powerful Princess of Hyrule, barefoot childhood sweetheart, buff-as-hell Gerudo lady thief, buff-as-hell Gerudo King, wallflower Sheikah with a cute birthmark, sassy Twilight queen who probably fucks like a tiger? Nah, nah, nah, nah, NAH! Our boy is fleek and femme and he works ALONE. 

 


	7. Barta Meets the Great Fairy




	8. Barta is Done with this Comic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barta is done with this comic and so am I!
> 
> Off to knife-fight with a pair of stilettos!


End file.
